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Much ado about childlessness
Lilian Chudey Pride
Childlessness has for long been an issue that is not boldly broached in our society. It is supposedly, deeply personal, and often sensitive issue that affects individuals and couples worldwide.
In many cultures in Africa, the ability to bear children is highly valued and often considered and conditioned for a person’s social status, identity and fulfillment. Childlessness has oftentimes led to discrimination, humiliation, dis-inheritance and divorce among other social problems in many communities.
Painfully, women are often left to bear the brunt of the ostracism, and injustices associated with childlessness as they are frequently blamed for infertility issues, without seeking to find out the underlying causes, men are presumably exonerated.
Many childless individuals live in suffering, shame, stigma, exclusion and pressures on a daily basis. These pressures, pains and mistreatment placed on childless individuals in Africa, especially the womenfolk in Nigeria, to be precise, are caused by their family members, in-laws, friends, neighbours, many of whom know them closely, who are supposed to show empathy and not cruelty. These mistreatments manifest in subtle ways such as exclusion from family gatherings, baby showers, children birthdays, religious programmes, social events, and community activities, among others.
Oftentimes, childless women have been pressured to undergo invasive fertility treatments, forced to drink concoctions, or lured into getting involved in false child adoption perpetuated by false adoption centers. Some have not been able to overcome guilt, and shame they encountered while they were subjected to some dehumanizing practices in a bid to concur with some cultural practices especially imposed on them by their in-laws.
Many are living in fear, anxiety and dilemma as their subconscious repeatedly plays back and forth, many wrong words, insults and mistreatments from their husband’s family who think it is their right to inflict agonizing pain on the childless woman. Some are forbidden to speak out to those who may reach out, because they are daily threatened and subdued with acts of domestic violence, disgrace or divorce. Some have lost self worth and lack the strength to move on. Many are denied the right to speak on or access to their husband’s pensions, business(es) or investments.
Societal pressures placed on the childless woman are quite intense giving rise to more problems and societal ill and decadence. The anxiety surrounding childlessness and the clamor to escape these societal expectations and impositions have given rise to baby factories; false and commercial child adoption centers. On many occasions, I have read on many tabloids and watched on social media with uncontrollable tears and heartbreak, some painful encounters and despicable ordeal many young girls have to go through, in these centers by being subjected to modern day slavery by their keepers/masters and mistresses who make money through the “labour” of these young ones. These merchants with no milk of human kindness, bargain the “worth”(price/cost) of an unborn child; capitalizing on the mistake, misfortune or misguided actions of naive young girls who fell in love or in lust with the wrong person.
Many desperate women have been deceived into believing that they were pregnant after receiving “fertility treatments” by some quacks and unscrupulous individuals posing and asserting charismatic and spiritual authority as “solution providers” to childlessness. Unfortunately, many of these fake individuals, centers and their agents are out there, daily waiting and preying on the next victims. It all looks normal as society has wittingly or unwittingly accepted these practices, with open arms.
In various communities, in mass media, and on social media, people watch and read about some agonizing experiences of victims of these unsavory encounters growing by leaps and bounds. False motherless babies’ homes are springing up to meet the demand for “supposed child adoption”. A worthy initiative which was supposed to be a noble cause has been hijacked by some greedy individuals and turned into a booming business. These abnormalities have triggered feverish DNA tests to ascertain paternity confirmation as desperation has resulted in overt and covert infidelity among many couples. Some outcomes of these tests have led to separation, divorce, gender-based violence and death.
In attempting to mitigate the challenges of childless women in Nigeria, it is important to recognize that childlessness is a complex issue with many underlying causes, including natural phenomena, medical conditions, infertility, socioeconomic factors and personal choices. Therefore, it is crucial to promote understanding, equity, diversity and inclusion, empathy and support within the communities.
Education and public awareness are essential to addressing these issues, promotion of acceptance and inclusivity by fostering honest conversations about infertility, childlessness and alternative paths to parenthood. Society can create more supportive opportunities and environment for childless individuals.
Health care providers can play a vital role in supporting childless individuals by offering sensitive and compassionate care, engaging in research that are relevant to the peculiarity of the African people, providing access to relevant treatments, extending referrals to appropriate counseling services and support groups. They should also take cognizance of the mental health of these individuals who are struggling with the emotional rollercoaster of infertility and childlessness.
Furthermore, formal authorities need to consider initiating and implementing policies and programmes that address the medical, social and emotional needs of childless individuals, to help ameliorate the miscommunications, discrimination, and pains they feel and bear. Initiatives such as family education, appropriate adoption support and subsidized infertility treatments in authorized centers can empower childless individuals to make informed choices and decisions about their reproductive health early enough.
It is important to note that the worth of any individual should not be measured by his or her parental status.
Lilian Chudey Pride, “The Childless Woman’s Coach”, is author of “Life Beyond Motherhood”; “Dignity of Womanhood”, and the publisher of iwriteafrica.com, an online magazine. Her books can be found on amazon.com and she can be reached on email: liliancpride@gmail.com; and lilian@iwriteafrica.com
Read more about this article in Businessamlive.com
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